Chapter 4: Physical Harmony 5. Sexual Union

When the husband is able to make his wife feel supremely happy in his embraces and kisses, it is altogether likely that she will be able to go along with him to the complete realization of the marital experience, making it a high point of love for both. For the husband the art of sexual love-making is to find the times when both can enter with splendid abandon into a passionate expression of their unity and also to discover the ways which are favorable to complete mutuality in this experience.

When the desire of the wife has been aroused she will experience a feeling of keenest delight in her husband and will be ready for complete intercourse. He may effect an entrance with gentleness, then after allowing enough time, a few minutes perhaps, for the organs to become adjusted to each other, he may begin movement slowly so as to avoid premature climax, which a young husband is likely to experience through nervousness even for a considerable time.

Rhythm has a part to play in sexual union. The husband almost instinctively finds himself moving and the wife may learn to respond in somewhat the same way. With variation in closeness and contact, and in vigor or activity, perhaps with vigorous thrusting on the husband's part, the two will gradually experience an increasing sense of oneness, of wellbeing and of pleasure in each other.

They should learn to develop this experience at somewhat the same rate until both reach a climax of mutual pleasure and release of sex tension called an orgasm. This brings a flowing forth of the seminal discharge from the husband which has a soothing influence. In orgasm the wife experiences a series of quick breaths and muscular movements of an involuntary character which area prelude to a climax of sensation followed by a sense of peace and wellbeing.

This moment in the love of the husband and wife is a most appropriate one for some word of devotion, mutual joy and appreciation. Moreover when this point has been reached the two should still remain together for a little time of gradually lessened lovemaking during which there will be a gradual decline in sex feeling. This period will provide a pleasant aftermath.

Usually the two do nothing to renew sexual passion but rather let it decline gently. Presently they will want to go to sleep, perhaps in each other's arms. Some women, however, experience one or more preliminary orgasms leading up to the final consummation of their sexual self-fulfillment.

In both sexes nature has provided a general pattern of success in marital union and a variety of possible variants of the pattern, and it is highly desirable for both to secure complete expression of sex as provided for in the nervous and glandular system. Chronic sexual dissatisfaction is detrimental to the wife's nervous health. It is noteworthy that sexual health and nervous poise are related to each other.

It is to be remembered that the sex part of life interacts with every other part, being affected by health conditions, by the degree of freshness or fatigue of the individual, by harmony in personal relationships in general, by mental poise and calm, and by the question whether the physical experience is something which is sought merely for itself or whether it is a culmination of an attitude of mutual self-giving which permeates all the experiences of life and expresses the special unity of the two.

The first principle is mutuality. Let the complete sexual expression of married love be sought when it is agreeable to both. To each it should be a joy generously to meet the sexual needs of the other and this art can be learned more perfectly as time goes on. It will be found that a finer and more complete experience results from moderation and from great consideration for each other. If the husband and wife seem to differ greatly in their sea needs, they will do well to learn patience, but also to make a determined effort to solve their problem and to meet each other's requirements.

How often complete sexual expression should' be added to the ordinary endearments of every day is o matter for sensible people to decide in accordance with their own experience. Individuals and couples vary. In Terman's report already referred to, the great majority of younger couples came within range from three to twelve times per month, with a few below three and a few above twelve. Frequency declines somewhat with age.

There is need of moderation in all good things including the sexual union of husbands and wives, The groom should realize that in the early enthusiasm of marriage it is possible to establish a habit of having union more frequently than would be desirable as a permanent thing. The bride also should know that it is possible for her to desire union more frequently than her husband can continue to be organically ready for it.

Sometimes the sexual needs of the wife will seem greater and sometimes those of the husband. The problem for the pair will be to understand each other well enough so that all occasions of sexual fellowship shall be mutually desired and accompanied by a keen sense of joy in each other.

Many women have a peak of sensitivity just before or just after menstruation, or both before and after. There are some who believe that a more satisfactory marital experience is found by those who unite as they may wish at this time but maintain abstinence at other times. Intercourse before the mid-period most often results in conception, whereas in the week before the period conception is least likely.
Variation and experiment in procedure will be pleasing to many couples. Gradually the two will discover positions which are most agreeable to them. At the beginning of marriage, or if the wife's health is not robust, or during pregnancy it might be better for her to be uppermost or alongside her husband rather than in the usual position, namely on her back. Coitus during pregnancy is often desired. It is necessary, however, that the husband be gentle, avoid undue pressure and stop one to three months before labor is due. The husband should not impose more weight upon the wife than is pleasing to her.

The couple should experiment freely and use positions best suited to them, approaching this subject without fear or embarrassment. They are made for each other, and will find happiness in giving themselves fully to each other.
In addition to considerations of position the married lovers may well give attention to the general aesthetic surroundings, that their high experience of love may be given a pleasing setting, neither in darkness nor in glaring illumination. Having a light, of course, is optional. Above all other things is the need of an atmosphere of mutual appreciation, of love and of peace.