Chapter 5: Meeting Difficulties Constructively

Every family has difficulties to meet and no two couples are just alike in their problems or in their adjustments. Some have their greatest difficulties in one realm and some in another. Certain families have a fine degree of adjustment in every aspect of life, while others at times become maladjusted at almost every point. Many have periods of harmony interspersed with experiences of discord. When issues arise it is of great value if members can learn to meet them constructively, using each difficulty as a means of better mutual understanding.

Every test which we meet successfully gives us a better approach to the next one. The difference between marriages which make a fine success and those which fall short is not that the latter have problems while the former have none, but that the marriages which succeed splendidly are those in which the members approach each question with patience and with loyal determination to find the answer. Even some problems that seem insoluble can be outgrown.

The family which fails to gain in marriage what the partners seek is often one which allows grievances and misunderstandings to accumulate until the skies of love are overcast, creating an atmosphere in which fear, doubt and antagonism creep in.
The person who is learning to see life as a married person and a homemaker, rather than an individualist, will ask: "How can this particular situation be used for the good of our home?" In single life a person can be "I-minded" and get away with it, although not well, but a married person must become "we-minded." Each must feel that the other is on his side and not against him. This is the situation in true marriage. Many of the troubles of family life are caused or at least aggravated by using the single person's approach.